I don't know if its just me, but since I've turned 19 I have had almost a completely rapid fear of turning the age of 20. The thought of no longer being a teenager terrifies me for some reason. I feel as if I haven't achieved anything that a smart, ambitious and well adjusted 19 year old should have already have done before she hits the big 2-0. Some people can't wait to get older, the thought of becoming closer to legal drinking age, or finally being considered an adult are all things my friends, and other teens my age are looking forward too. To me, all those perks just seem like consolation prizes to distract us all from the fact that growing up isn't what its cracked up to be....and I've never been much of a drinker anyway.
So this line of thought poses the question: what are realistic expectations regarding getting older? Are there main things that everyone should do before that hit a certain age? Career, romantic, and emotional milestones that we are all supposed to hit before we look back and are much older than we want to be?
I, personally haven't even made a dent in my bucket list. Never travelled further New York, barely finished college (just kind of started actually), and I can say with almost absolute certainty that I have never been in love. Yes, I'm sure that I'm not the only person who is somewhat of an underachiever, but are we normal or are we far behind? I'm not saying that all of us 19 year olds should already have a degree and a million first loves already.....but how do you determine who is going to make it in life and who isn't going to wake up 30 years later regretful?
So I guess the only thing that I can do is just try and wing it like I have the past 19 years. Its harder to convince yourself that you happy than it is to actually be happy. Yes, I would like answers now, like to have a good job, find a stable boyfriend, publish hundreds of bestsellers. But I would rather pace myself, and remember that I might not be as young as I once was, but I still have a lot to look forward to.
